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May 1st, 99 Being here: still. Notwithstanding whatever, being here. Even if I went away, I would be even more here. Very soon I won't be even able to think of leaving, the last bridges are waiting to fall down. And then I will be sure I have no choice, and that I picked up the right one. Friends, old and new , unknown people are inviting me to save my life and that of my family: I turn them all down with tears, I am moved by their compassion, I would do just the same in their place, feeling guilty for having peace and fun, which somebody exactly like me, for some obscure reason in the other part of the world, is denied. Living from day to day, all of us: the market is full as never before, shops close no more except during the bombings, some not even then. But the look in people's eyes is different, definitely not that of some weeks ago: this is true war now. I survived my house shaking from one side to another, waiting to die with my family tight around me, we held hands. I guess that is the look I am talking about in other people's eyes. When I walk down the streets, because of the beautiful weather and my beautiful city, even in debris, I watch how people move and places they take to rest: those are safe places, everybody for some reason thinks that their place is the safest in the world, out of superstition or some very rational arguments. Never mind, every thing is permitted to win this war, not against NATO, not against any other military force, but within oneself. Every morning, my first thought, as this morning, the traditional international holiday we used once to enjoy, is: are those boys , my friends and relatives still alive somewhere there in Kosovo, fighting somebody else's war. (They get one tin, one package of cigarettes, tranquilizers, and 5 German marks per day). And then I feel like killing somebody. Ironically, the first time I felt that was when Kennedy was killed, I was ver very small, but seeing those pictures in TV,(I was in Cairo) I learned what revenge is made out and for. We are trying to present all texts in all languages. However, due to a limited resources we are not always able to achieve this goal. If you would like to translate material for us, please contact us. |
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