#PERIOD AFTER Jasmina Tesanovic - 19/05/1999- Belgrade


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May 19th, 99
Our friend in Kosovo , an Albanian, is holding a political/support school on a hill, for those who stayed behind. A young boy with build up muscles, a university student today was ripped in front of his university by a person who said that one day he will be pursued in Hague by the same law students that now he is ripping. They had to give him all their money. Those kind of scenes always happen in big cities, in Belgrade too: the funny thing is that in better times a build up law students would have said something before being ripped. Today he knew who is the boss and whose country it is. Many many people I know have left, are leaving, afraid for their lives, literally and metaphorically. God knows to which category I belong, staying here, unable to move. Today we start shooting a film based on my diary: our life has become a circus, said my daughter. No, our life has become a theatre, la commedia dell'arte, this form of representation I always loved best...

I remember how Water Benjamin- my favorite philosopher, and his angel with its back turned towards the future who has become my angel- committed suicide at some border, trying to emigrate and waiting for his visa, just few hours before he got it. Now, modern and postmodern times have come, once people used to commit suicide when they went bankrupt. Today it is not so anymore. Today even Ana Karenina wouldn't commit suicide but become a feminist, activist, SOS hotline for battered women, or just find a new lover, man or woman and go to Venice to construct herself a new identity. But still, trafficking in visas which could save our lives here today, as in dealing with violent life affairs, I feel that sometimes I am close to that line of giving up to postmodernity and going back to times when people didn't live at any price...


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